the best baker in the world

My son wrote this story in his first-grade class the other day, and I just had to share it with you.


Just in case you’re having trouble deciphering my son’s handwriting, the story goes like this:

My Mom is a great baker! Is yours?
Yesterday, my Mom made a delicious “French Bread Pizza”!!
She is the best baker in the world!!

Sweet, huh?

I thought so.

Now let’s translate it into reality.

My Mom is a great microwaver! Is yours?
Yesterday, my Mom microwaved a delicious frozen Stouffer’s French Bread Pizza! 
She is the best microwaver in the world!!



If you haven’t already done so, consider following est. 1975 on Facebook, Twitter, and/or Pinterest! I add fresh, hilarious material every single day.

clash of the couples

So. I’ve got a few rules on this blog, and one of them is that I don’t do cover reveals.


In that case, all bets are off. *wink*

That’s right, my loyal so-and-sos. I’ve had the super good fortune to be included in an upcoming humor anthology called Clash of the Couples: A Humorous Collection of Completely Absurd Lover’s Squabbles and Relationship Spats. It’s funny. It’s racy. It’s sexy. It’s real. And it’s got a cover you aren’t likely to forget:

Clash of the Couples cover reveal

Hot, right? That snake looks like it is doing something seriously interesting. And I mean SERIOUSLY. INTERESTING.


And guys? This book is legit. Like… LEGIT. It has its own press blurb and everything:


Coupledom. Fact or fable, Adam and Eve birthed the perpetual relationship drama as seen on TV today. Despite the serpents, this couple HAD IT MADE. Luxury real estate, lush gardens, and privacy out the yin-yang. Life was glorious until the bare-bottomed babe could no longer resist temptation. Despite her better half’s warnings and threats to sleep in a tree, she tasted the forbidden fruit. One bite of that seductive, juicy contraband and the stage was set for eternity— a nibble that has blossomed into an endless supply of tiny tidbits that divide lovers to this day!

Taking a cue from the naked explorers of authentic sin, Clash of the Couples is a new anthology featuring a collection of completely absurd lovers’ squabbles and relationship spats. Think couples fight over kids, sex, and money? Think again! Furniture, the last beer, and where to store the placenta are what genuinely ignite our feuds. And no argument is off limits. This book has it all!

Inside you’ll find a gut-busting compilation of stories such as: “I Can’t Believe You Ate My Sandwich,” “Never Assume Anything,” “Only I Can Talk About Me,” and “You Want Some College Boobs?” from forty-three fearless writers. Prepare to laugh, roll your eyes, and shiver in suspense. While Eve may have had the first bite, we ate the whole tree. And made pies.

Published by Blue Lobster Book Co., Clash of the Couples launches loudly and obnoxiously on November 3, 2014. You’ll hear us coming, but look for it on Amazon, B&N, Apple, and other places where you typically buy books. For instant updates, follow along on Facebook!


And if you’re wondering who else is in this anthology besides me, feel free to take a look at the below list of contributors. You just might find some fresh blog material you didn’t know about, and everyone knows that reading fresh blog material is an amazing way to fritter away your time at work better your daily life.

The lineup includes:

Andrew S. Delfino of Almost Coherent Parent
Crystal Ponti of MommiFried
Camille DeFer Thompson of Camille DeFer Thompson
Kimberly Morand of Anchor Magazine: Navigating Depression, Bipolar, and Anxiety
Meredith Napolitano of From Meredith to Mommy
Chris Dean of pixie.c.d.
Linda Roy of elleroy was here
Kevin Zelenka of Double Trouble Daddy
Sarah Cottrell of Housewife Plus
R.C. Liley of Going Dad
Mary Widdicks of Outmanned
Marie Bollman of Make Your Own Damn Dinner
Ginny Marie of Lemon Drop Pie
Mike Reynolds of Puzzling Posts
Leigh-Mary Hoffmann of Happily Ever Laughter Blog
Lisa Petty of Petty Thoughts
Lynn Shattuck of The Light Will Find You
Jeff Bogle of Out With The Kids
Stacey Gustafson of Are You Kidding Me?
Angela Godbout of FRaPS
Courtney Conover of The Brown Girl with Long Hair
Jenny Hills of Express Bus Mama
Marcia Kester Doyle of Menopausal Mother
Julia Arnold of Frantic Mama
Jessica Azar of Herd Management
Susan A. Black of I Like That
Dave Lesser of Amateur Idiot Professional Dad
Sarah (est. 1975) of est. 1975
Nicole R. Wildhood of Naught Be All Else
Angela Keck of Writer Mom’s Blog
Alexa Bigwarfe of No Holding Back
Brian Sorrell of Dadding Full Time
Kathryn Leehane of Foxy Wine Pocket
April Grant of 100lb Countdown
Bev Feldman of Linkouture
Jodi Flaherty of The Noise of Boys
Scott Rigdon of Three Five Zero
Lydia Richmond of Cluttered Genius
Allie Burdick of VITA – Train for Life
Michelle Grewe of Crumpets and Bollocks
Barb Godshalk, Co-Author of Tall Tales and Short Stories from South Jersey
Jonathon Floyd of One Funny Daddy
Amanda Mushro of Questionable Choices in Parenting
Chris Carter of The Mom Cafe


And lastly, just to wet your whistle? Here’s MY teaser from the book:

Clash of the Couples teaser

(Hint: It’s not my husband.)

Ending on a serious note: I’m really excited about this book, guys. And I just want to say that if weren’t for the help and support of all my loyal so-and-sos, this silly blog would not have made it so far in just nine months. I appreciate each and every one of your butts.

i win at children

Check out the awesome letter my husband and I received from my son this week:



I think you are the Best Parents ever. I love you. You are not chubby. 38 is still young. See for yourself: 10 20 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38. That is young. You are nice.

By J.



Look, I’m sure your children are great and everything. But this letter is pretty effing amazing. I also appreciate the subtle allusion to the movie Frozen, because I had almost forgotten its existence for .00003 seconds.

hair removal, wikipedia-style (nsfw)

If you ever just happen to be awake at 3:00 AM, and if you ever just happen to be trapped next to a snoring husband, and if you ever just happen to find yourself combing the darkest depths of the Internet to keep from dying of boredom, you might just happen to stumble across the entry for “hair removal” on Wikipedia.

(I mean, not that I’ve ever done that or anything. I’m just saying you might.)

ANYWAY. If you do, it will be your awesome fortune to happen across the following image, subtitled “Sample distribution of body hair in women and men”:


Awesome, right?

I totally appreciate what this image is trying to do. It’s trying to show us where we furry and where we not. However, while this picture may be accurate for some, it is certainly not accurate for all.

More specifically, it is not even remotely accurate for me.

So without further ado, I present to you: “Sample distribution of body hair in Sarah and men.”


Keep your masturbating to a minimum, please.



My girl T: You forgot yo butt crack.
Me: “Butt crack not shown.” I’ll add that.

the periodic table of your period (thanks to i heart guts)

Thanks so much to I Heart Guts for giving me permission to share with you The Periodic Table of Your Period, which she describes as “an illustrated guide to all things menses” that includes “everything from bloating to chocolate, corpus luteum to period underwear.”

I felt it was the perfect day to post this, considering that I am Rg, drinking a shit ton of Ca, and considering taking about 500mg more Nx. Now where is that Hp?

Click the image below for I Heart Guts’ original blog post, which contains a much larger .pdf version of the graphic, as well as some education, science, and funny. Enjoy the hell out of it!