Hey, loyal so-and-sos! What’s up? How you be? How’s it hanging? And other dumb expressions!
So listen. I’m not sure how often you guys check out my sidebar, but the observant among you may have noticed that a new badge has recently appeared. A badge that looks a little something like this:
That’s right! I’ve had the amazing good fortune to be included in The BIGGER Book of Parenting Tweets, an illustrated collection of nearly 400 tweet jokes, real-kid conversations and snarky one-liners from more than fifty of the most hilarious Twitter comedians ever to change a diaper or stare down a sulky teen. It’s the second volume in a series that was begun in November 2014 with The Big Book of Parenting Tweets. (I’m also in that book!)
Farah Miller and Emma Mustich, editors of HuffPost Parents, wrote the foreword for this new installment, and it’s just as amazing as the rest of the book. The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets builds on the popularity of Volume One—including more voices, more jokes, and a special peek into the stories behind some of the most outrageous tweets. Both books were curated and edited by Kate Hall of Hall of Tweets and Norine Dworkin-McDaniel and Jessica Ziegler of Science of Parenthood. The cover design and interior illustrations were done by Ms. Ziegler herself.
So what should you expect from this book? Simple – the best and funniest Twitter material ever written about parenting, all compiled in one place for your convenience. You’ll find close to 400 super funny jokes, acerbic one-liners, and wry observations about the highs, lows, really lows, and just-hit-bottoms of parenthood. As well as a handful of HILARIOUS tweets from YOURS TRULY:
But listen. I’d be lying if I said I even held a candle to the other contributors in this book, who are some of the most popular Twitter comedians out there. So I wanted to give you a sample of just what they can do. I picked twelve of my absolute favorite tweets from the book to give you just a hint of what this compilation is all about.
A fun thing to do is sign your kids up for a class they’re dying to take and then listen to them complain about it for the next eight weeks.
Over the weekend, my parenting style basically boils down to “Whatever, man.”
7yo: Can you sign this?
7yo: My teacher says you have to.
Me: Can I read it?
7yo: And sign with your eyes closed.
My kid just peed himself and then had a tantrum because he couldn’t see his ear.
But congrats on your pregnancy!
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason.
I just saved a bundle on future college tuition by finding out my 4yo wants to be a gumball when he grows up.
I grounded my kid from electronics for a week and now he won’t stop talking to me and I think I’ve made a horrible mistake.
Ant Rescue by 2yo:
1. Locate and smash.
2. Smear on book.
3. Shake book outside while repeating, “Go back to your home now, Ant.”
My kids promised no whining on my birthday, so I guess their gift to me is a pile of lies.
Waiting for my wife so I can get a break from the kids feels like waiting for the handoff in a relay race with the slowest teammate ever.
I have mixed feelings, but I mostly admire the 2yo’s ability to show up completely naked to dinner and still demand hot Spaghetti-Os.
“Very colorful, fun. I’d put it in my mouth.”
“A bit scary, seems sharp. Still, I’d put it in my mouth.”
–Baby reviews of stuff on the floor
AND ONE EXTRA, FOR THE BAKER’S DOZEN! FROM LITTLE OLD ME:
My 7yo son walked in on me taking a bath, looked at me for a split second, and then said: “How about we close this curtain?”
If you didn’t laugh at any of these tweets, I diagnose you with I DON’T EVEN-itis. But if you *did* laugh at some, there are hundreds more like them in The BIGGER Book of Parenting Tweets! This is the perfect gift for Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and every other day. Learn more at the web site and then jump on over to Amazon and buy!