Hey, loyal so-and-sos! What’s up? How you be? How’s it hanging? And other dumb expressions!
So listen. I’m not sure how often you guys check out my sidebar, but the observant among you may have noticed that a new badge has recently appeared. A badge that looks a little something like this:
That’s right! I’ve had the amazing good fortune to be included in I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone, the third installment in the national best-selling series of anthologies published by Throat Punch Media.
The previous two anthologies in this series have sold over 40,000 copies to date, and boast over 500 reviews on Amazon with an average rating of 4.5 stars. Additionally, the flagship anthology I Just Want to Pee Alone just hit the New York Times Best Sellers list in February 2015.
I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone has 40 contributors with a social media reach of 1.2 million fans on Facebook. Many of the contributors to this book are award-winning writers who have appeared in such places as: The New York Times Best Sellers list, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, LifetimeMoms, NickMom, TODAY Parents, Babble/Disney, In the Powder Room, and the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop.
AND IT’S ON SALE TODAY!
Also, just In case you were wondering exactly WHO is included in this wonderful anthology, here is a list of the awesome collaborators. They are some seriously talented and funny women, and I highly recommend you check each of them out when you can:
Jen Mann of People I Want to Punch in the Throat
Bethany Kriger Thies of Bad Parenting Moments
Kim Bongiorno of Let Me Start By Saying
Alyson Herzig of The Shitastrophy
JD Bailey of Honest Mom
Kathryn Leehane of Foxy Wine Pocket
Suzanne Fleet of Toulouse and Tonic
Nicole Leigh Shaw of Nicole Leigh Shaw, Tyop Aretist
Meredith Spidel of The Mom of the Year
Rebecca Gallagher of Frugalista Blog
Rita Templeton of Fighting off Frumpy
Darcy Perdu of So Then Stories
Christine Burke of Keeper of The Fruit Loops
Amy Flory of Funny Is Family
Robyn Welling of Hollow Tree Ventures
Sarah del Rio of est. 1975
Amanda Mushro of Questionable Choices in Parenting
Jennifer Hicks of Real Life Parenting
Courtney Fitzgerald of Our Small Moments
Lola Lolita of Sammiches and Psych Meds
Victoria Fedden of Wide Lawns and Narrow Minds
Keesha Beckford of Mom’s New Stage
Stacia Ellermeier of Dried-on Milk
Ashley Allen of Big Top Family
Meredith Bland of Pile of Babies
Harmony Hobbs of Modern Mommy Madness
Janel Mills of 649.133: Girls, the Care and Maintenance Of
Kim Forde of The Fordeville Diaries
Stacey Gill of One Funny Motha
Beth Caldwell of The Cult of Perfect Motherhood
Sarah Cottrell of Housewife Plus
Michelle Back of Mommy Back Talk
Tracy Sano of Tracy on the Rocks
Linda Roy of elleroy was here
Michelle Poston Combs of Rubber Shoes In Hell
Susan Lee Maccarelli of Pecked To Death By Chickens
Vicki Lesage of Life, Love, and Sarcasm in Paris
Kris Amels of Why, Mommy?
Mackenzie Cheeseman of Is there cheese in it?
Tracy DeBlois of Orange & Silver
Now, if you’ve made it all the way down here, you are truly a loyal so-and-so, and I think for that you deserve an excerpt from the story I wrote from the book. It’s called “Here’s Mommy!” and it’s a heartwarming piece about how I locked myself in my garage and had to bust down the door with a hammer to get to my abandoned 2-year-old son. Yes, really.
I knew I couldn’t smash the entire door down with just a hammer, or even bust a hole in it big enough to climb through. My only real hope was to create a gap wide enough to stick my hand through, reach the knob lock, and set myself free.
I pressed my face against the door and called to my son. “Honey,” I said, “Honey, it’s very important that you move as far away as you can right now. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, Mommy,” replied a tiny, anxious voice. I waited a moment, listened very intensely, and heard my son go absolutely nowhere.
I tried again. “Sweetheart, I’m serious. Go sit in front of the television or on the couch. Mommy will be inside in just a moment.”
“Okay,” peeped my son, who continued to stay right where he was. Even at two, he was no dummy. He knew something was up, something sensational and possibly even dangerous, and he didn’t want to miss it. After some more cajoling, I finally convinced him to move back about six feet. That was as far away as he was going to go, and I just had to accept it.
I took a deep breath. I raised my hammer. Then, squelching the urge to yell “Here’s Mommy!” in a totally psychotic voice, I brought the face of the hammer down on the door as hard as I possibly could.
To find out what happened next, pick up your copy of I Still Just Want to Pee Alone today!