the best baker in the world

My son wrote this story in his first-grade class the other day, and I just had to share it with you.


Just in case you’re having trouble deciphering my son’s handwriting, the story goes like this:

My Mom is a great baker! Is yours?
Yesterday, my Mom made a delicious “French Bread Pizza”!!
She is the best baker in the world!!

Sweet, huh?

I thought so.

Now let’s translate it into reality.

My Mom is a great microwaver! Is yours?
Yesterday, my Mom microwaved a delicious frozen Stouffer’s French Bread Pizza! 
She is the best microwaver in the world!!



If you haven’t already done so, consider following est. 1975 on Facebook, Twitter, and/or Pinterest! I add fresh, hilarious material every single day.

36 Replies to “the best baker in the world”

  1. Um, excuse me, but I’m pretty sure I’M the best microwaver in world. I’m certainly the best microwaver in France but that’s because I have no competition. Some people here actually plug their microwave in each time they use it because they use it so infrequently they’d rather use the plug for something else. The only thing I’d use a spare plug for is ANOTHER MICROWAVE.

      1. OMG, the DRYER. I’ve been wearing crunchy clothes for years, and those are just the ones I manage to get dry. The rest stay damp until they get moldy and you have to rewash them and repeat the cylce all over again. It’s worth moving to the US just for a dryer alone!

        1. Seriously, I can not TELL you how many times we shorted out that damn radiator. Our landlord was PISSED. CONSTANTLY.

          I remember drying a load of clothes in a hostel in Edinburgh and waiting for it to be dry for about 15 hours and just giving up and taking them out damp.

  2. Alex decided he wanted hot chocolate the other night, so I left him to it while I was washing my face. I come out– no hot chocolate. I ask him where it is and he just sort of looks at the ground. Apparently he’d “baked” it for too long in the microwave and it morphed into something so disgusting he didn’t want to try again. So, see? Takes skills.

  3. Ah yes, first graders are still so cute and sweet. 🙂 When my oldest was in the mother’s day out program at church, they helped the kids fill out a sheet about the kids’ families. One of the questions was what is your dad’s favorite food. My son answered “beer.” It’s true. It’s funny what secrets are revealed due to kids’ brutal honesty.

  4. Aww, this truly was so sweet and made me smile. Of course, your translation then also made me giggle and hope my kids will say mom microwaves the best pizza, too lol 😉

  5. Ah, innocence! 🙂

    I used to “help” my mother with the baking when I was a kid. Which meant I would crack a couple of eggs into a bowl for her, wander around the kitchen distractedly until she handed me one of the cake beaters to lick, and then disappear behind a book until the timer went off and delicious things were ready for eating. I was the best baker’s helper ever.

    1. My son is like that too. He wants to help cook/bake SO BAD but all he really wants to do is “anything with eggs” or “use the meat tenderizer” and if neither of those things are involved he eventually wanders off.

  6. Treasure it while it lasts. My son is all too happy to tell me everything I’m doing wrong in the kitchen. Can’t remember the last time he had anything good to say about food that didn’t come out of a candy wrapper.

  7. My daughter loves popcorn and usually her dad makes it. I made her some the other night and she refused to eat it. Said it was gross. What the actual fuck can you possibly do to microwave popcorn? So I salute you as Goddess of the Microwave.

Comments are closed.