dad needs new ears

The following is a phone conversation I had with my awesome, albeit 72-year-old, father today. As you will see, it starts out just fine. Then it quickly degenerates into ME YELLING EVERYTHING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS.

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*ring*

Dad: “Hello there!”
Me: “Hey, Dad.”
Dad: “What’s up?”
Me: “Not much. I’m just calling to see if you got the check from Cheeks.”
Dad: “What?”
Me: “Cheeks and I put some money together so you could buy a new cell phone, remember?”
Dad: “Oh! Yes. I remember.”
Me: “Well, she sent you a check a while ago. Did you get it?”
Dad: “Get what?”
Me (louder): “THE CHECK.”
Dad: “No, I didn’t get a text.”
Me (more louder): “NOT A TEXT.  A CHECK.”
Dad (irritated): “Nobody sent me a text!”
Me (even more louder): “NOT A TEXT, DAD. A CHECK. C-H-E-C-K.”
Dad: “A what?”
Me (the loudest): “A CHECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Dad: “A check?”
Me: “YES.”
Dad: “A check for what?”
Me: “SO YOU COULD BUY A NEW PHONE.”
Dad: “No, I didn’t get a check.”
Me: “Okay. Great. That’s what I was calling to find out.”
Dad: “…”
Me: “ARE YOU THERE?”
Dad (annoyed): “Yes!”
Me: “So for sure there’s no check there?”
Dad: “No check.”
Me: “All right, I’ll tell her to put a stop payment on that one and send you another one.”
Dad: “Another what?”
Me: “GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD” *jumps off cliff*

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