husbandisms ahoy!

Him: “Do you have any chores that need done?”
Me: “Um…”
Him: “Because they’re not going to get done.”

Me: “Why don’t you ever wear this t-shirt?”
Him: “It’s too rough for me.”
Me: “It’s too rough for your delicate skin?”
Him: “What can I say? When a man is a pussy, a man is a pussy.”

Him: “What has happened to men?”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Him: “They’ve all been replaced by ab-comparing narcissists.”

Him: “Where’s my belt?”
Me: “I hung it up on the belt thing.”
Him: “It’s not here.”
Me: “Well, did it fall off?”
Him: “No.”
Me: “…you’re wearing a belt. Is that the one you’re looking for?”
Him: *looks down*
Him: “I found it.”

Him: “You’re looking hot.”
Me: “You’re just desperate.”
Him: “I know.”

Him (about our son acting like a brat): “I understand he’s growing but he’s growing into a butt.”

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BONUS SON-ISM!

Me: “That was awesome how you just threw a tantrum like a 4 year old.”
Son: “Maybe I am 4 years old.”
Me: “If you’re 4 years old, I guess I can only let you watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse from now on.”
Son: “NO! NO! I’M NOT 4 YEARS OLD! I’M TEN THOUSAND YEARS OLD! NOOOoooo!”

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22 Replies to “husbandisms ahoy!”

    1. This one’s my favorite too! I want to use it on my cousin who is getting into that teenage phase where all adults are annoying. We get into debates about why he needs to learn “old people” history aka American History class.

    1. Because you and I are the same person and share identical lives pretty much? Except that you can cook and I can only use the “sensor reheat” function on my microwave, of course.

    1. I don’t know. But seriously. It needs to happen soon.

      P.S. When are your kids out of school? Do you want to get together sometime this summer, do a zoo trip or something?

  1. HAHAHAHHA….

    Oh man..this is just what I needed to read right now. I’m languishing in my cubicle and I desperately needed the laugh.

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