husbandisms ahoy!

Him: “Do you have any chores that need done?”
Me: “Um…”
Him: “Because they’re not going to get done.”

Me: “Why don’t you ever wear this t-shirt?”
Him: “It’s too rough for me.”
Me: “It’s too rough for your delicate skin?”
Him: “What can I say? When a man is a pussy, a man is a pussy.”

Him: “What has happened to men?”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Him: “They’ve all been replaced by ab-comparing narcissists.”

Him: “Where’s my belt?”
Me: “I hung it up on the belt thing.”
Him: “It’s not here.”
Me: “Well, did it fall off?”
Him: “No.”
Me: “…you’re wearing a belt. Is that the one you’re looking for?”
Him: *looks down*
Him: “I found it.”

Him: “You’re looking hot.”
Me: “You’re just desperate.”
Him: “I know.”

Him (about our son acting like a brat): “I understand he’s growing but he’s growing into a butt.”

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BONUS SON-ISM!

Me: “That was awesome how you just threw a tantrum like a 4 year old.”
Son: “Maybe I am 4 years old.”
Me: “If you’re 4 years old, I guess I can only let you watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse from now on.”
Son: “NO! NO! I’M NOT 4 YEARS OLD! I’M TEN THOUSAND YEARS OLD! NOOOoooo!”

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