my girl T-isms

You loyal so-and-sos remember my girl T, right?

If not, I’ll refresh your memory with these prompts:

  • One of my absolute besties
  • Makeup expert extraordinaire
  • Funnier than I am
  • Leaves cranky comments when I talk about her in posts

My girl T is a fan favorite around here so I thought what better way for you to get to know her than through one of my fabulous “-isms” posts? And also this picture:

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My girl T and I refer to this picture as the one in which she “looks like a thumb.”

Enjoy!

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T: I’m glad I just ate 100 calories worth of Nerds, satisfying

T: Also can you tell me why they make tankinis with the backs cut out?
T: I want to cover up my stomach but I would really like my back fat to hang out a hole

Me: Sometimes I just feel so stupid initiating sex with my husband
Me: like… HEY BABY
Me: COME NUZZLE MY CHINS
T: GET OFF MY GUT
Me: GET AWAY FROM MY STANK CROTCH
T: DON’T RUB MY LEGS
Me: GET AWAY FROM MY HEMORRHOID
T: PUT A BLANKET OVER THE WINDOWS
Me: TURN OFF THE LIGHT AND NEVER TURN IT ON AGAIN
T: JUST STICK IT UNDER THE BLANKET
Me: AREN’T YOU FINISHED YET I’M SWEATY
T: AREN’T YOU FINISHED YET SOMETHING SMELLS

T: The warrior pose is excellent for ripping your vagina
Me: LMAO
Me: The triangle pose is also excellent for that
T: The tree pose is excellent for bruising your inner thigh
T: The sun salutation is excellent for seeing your husband’s toenail clippings on the floor
T: The chair pose is excellent for making you realize you have the knees of an 80-year-old man

T: I can’t decide whether to poop or barf
(later)
T: Poop then barf then pee on myself was the route I apparently chose

12 Replies to “my girl T-isms”

  1. Do all women think like this? I need to stop reading this stuff… I’m beginning to fear my wife. We should probably get separate beds.

    1. HI GARY! So glad to see you!

      Do all women think like this? Yes. This generation of women is all secretly Foul Bachelorette Frog at heart. The grammar in that sentence was terrible.

      I need to stop reading this stuff. No! Don’t expect us grody women to be any different than you grody men. Read on, learn, and appreciate! Also, it’s funny.

      I’m beginning to fear my wife. Well… a little fear of your wife is healthy.

      We should probably get separate beds. NO JUDGMENT HERE. I love to sleep alone and spread out. I need a king-sized bed just for myself.

      HEY EVERYONE, LOTS OF APPLAUSE FOR A MAN WHO’S BEEN STICKING WITH US!!

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