my girl T-isms

You loyal so-and-sos remember my girl T, right?

If not, I’ll refresh your memory with these prompts:

  • One of my absolute besties
  • Makeup expert extraordinaire
  • Funnier than I am
  • Leaves cranky comments when I talk about her in posts

My girl T is a fan favorite around here so I thought what better way for you to get to know her than through one of my fabulous “-isms” posts? And also this picture:

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My girl T and I refer to this picture as the one in which she “looks like a thumb.”

Enjoy!

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T: I’m glad I just ate 100 calories worth of Nerds, satisfying

T: Also can you tell me why they make tankinis with the backs cut out?
T: I want to cover up my stomach but I would really like my back fat to hang out a hole

Me: Sometimes I just feel so stupid initiating sex with my husband
Me: like… HEY BABY
Me: COME NUZZLE MY CHINS
T: GET OFF MY GUT
Me: GET AWAY FROM MY STANK CROTCH
T: DON’T RUB MY LEGS
Me: GET AWAY FROM MY HEMORRHOID
T: PUT A BLANKET OVER THE WINDOWS
Me: TURN OFF THE LIGHT AND NEVER TURN IT ON AGAIN
T: JUST STICK IT UNDER THE BLANKET
Me: AREN’T YOU FINISHED YET I’M SWEATY
T: AREN’T YOU FINISHED YET SOMETHING SMELLS

T: The warrior pose is excellent for ripping your vagina
Me: LMAO
Me: The triangle pose is also excellent for that
T: The tree pose is excellent for bruising your inner thigh
T: The sun salutation is excellent for seeing your husband’s toenail clippings on the floor
T: The chair pose is excellent for making you realize you have the knees of an 80-year-old man

T: I can’t decide whether to poop or barf
(later)
T: Poop then barf then pee on myself was the route I apparently chose