Me: so I found out that one of the side effects of the prolapse surgery is painful bloody pooping for weeks

Her: um

Me: and I’m essentially getting an episiotomy

Her: oh noooo

Me: as well as the abdominal incision

Me: I’m going to be a hot mess

Her: just don’t look down there

Me: oh girl I plan on it

Me: *dabs blindly with Tucks pads*

Her: rinse it with that little squirt bottle and run away


Me: the husband has already started bitching about not being able to have sex

Her: it’ll be really hard for him

Me: I know

Me: try not to cry

Her: after all, who is thinking of your husband at a time like this?

Her: we should get him a card