ass dot com

My son: “Do you know that Dad uses his phone a lot while he’s driving?”

Me: “I know. That’s not very safe.”

My son: “And not just for talking. He’s always looking at ass dot com.”

Me: !!!!!!!! “Uh… what did you say?”

My son: “Ass dot com.”

Me: !!!!!!!! “And… what kind of site is that exactly?”

My son: “Sports.”

Me: !!!!!!!! “Are you sure about that?”

My son: “Yes.”

Me: !!!!!!!! “And how do you spell it?”

My son: “A S dot com.”

Me: “Hold on a sec.”

*discreetly checks as.com on phone
*finds Spanish language sports site
*breaths sigh of relief

My son: “Did you find it?”

Me: “Yes, honey. But I don’t think it’s pronounced ass dot com.”

My son: “Yes it is. That’s how Dad pronounces it.”

Me: “Uh…”

*imagines son telling teacher that his dad reads “ass dot com”
*panics

My son: “Well?”

Me: “Okay, but that’s not how it’s pronounced in English.”

My son: “Well, how is it pronounced?”

Me: “Uh… azz dot com.”

My son: “I don’t think so.”

Me: “YES IT IS”

14 Replies to “ass dot com”

  1. Hilarious. Reminds of the Nicolas Cage SNL skit where he’s playing a guy trying to think of a good name for his unborn kid and keeps rejecting everything. Then it’s revealed his last name is Asswipe (pronounced Ahs-wee-pay) so the kid is pretty much screwed anyway.

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