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Happy April Fools Day, loyal so-and-sos!

So. I’ve decided that instead of playing just one April Fools Day joke on you guys, I’ma give you an entire selection of jokes to choose from. Because I’m generous like that.

Enjoy!

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“Hey guys! You’ll never believe this but I went THE WHOLE DAY yesterday without tinkling in my panties!”

“I would never do something as lazy and gross as waking up and watching three hours of television before even taking a shower or brushing my teeth.”

“So here’s the thing, guys. I *really* miss working in finance.”

“I had a healthy breakfast this morning that involved all four food groups and not even one Cadbury mini egg!”

“Yeah. I don’t take naps.”

“If I really had to choose, I think I’d say that the band I miss most from the 80’s is Whitesnake.”

“Do you guys know who my best friend is? The president of the Parent Teacher Association.”

“HA HA HA! NO I DIDN’T JUST ACCIDENTALLY GET SOME PUBES STUCK IN MY PANTYLINER! WHAT ON EARTH WOULD MAKE YOU THINK THAT?! NO THOSE ARE NOT TEARS OF PAIN YOU SEE IN MY EYES! HA HA HA!”

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That’s all I got for today, folks. Enjoy your April Fools Day! And if you do get fooled, don’t be a little bitch. Just take it in stride. I recommend you take a lesson from David Mitchell here and react to any/all April Fools pranks thusly:

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Can’t go wrong.