more husbandisms

Me: “Why were you Googling jobs at our gym?”
Him: “I wanted to know if they would give me a job as a fatass.”

Him: “You’re not watching the Oscars.”
Me: “Nope.”
Him: “Why not?”
Me: “I never watch the Oscars.”
Him: “And that’s why I married you.”

Me: “I really think I can lose weight if I make it part of Lent.”
Him: “Why?”
Me: “Because…”
Him: “…you’re afraid of your grandma?”

Me: “This is going to be a long forty days.”
Him: “What?”
Me: “Of us giving up dining out for Lent.”
Him: “WHAT?”
Me: “Is there a problem?”
Him: “I thought it was FOUR days.”

I throw my bra across the room and it hits the doorknob, circles it and hangs there.
Him: “Sports.”

Him: “Look at the snow. It looks like that one Disney movie. Frosted.”

Him (searching YouTube): “Fucking people. I don’t care about your cats.”
Me: “What are you looking for?”
Him: “That show Eight out of Ten Cats. And all it’s coming up with is these dumb people and their cats.”
Me: “Oh.”
Him: “Oops. My bad. Sorry, people.”
Me: “What now?”
Him: “I just realized I was searching for Eight out of “Eh” Cats.”