husbandisms

Husband: “Look at that couple jogging. That should be us.”
Me: “And what would our son be doing while we’re out jogging all over town?”
Husband: “Making chili.”

Me: “You better hurry to the gym. You won’t get into the spinning class.”
Husband: “Yes I will.”
Me: “You have like 5 minutes to get there.”
Husband: “I know.”
Me: “Okay.”
Husband: “If I don’t get in, I’ll just come home.”
Me: “Okay.”
Husband: “And then go back and burn down the gym.”

Husband: “Why can’t someone come in the middle of the night and exercise me in my sleep?”
Me: “What, like put a weight in your hand and lift it up and down for you?”
Husband: “Yeah. While I dream of chocolate. And butts. And butter. And boobs.”

Me: “Did you find your credit card?”
Husband: “Yes.”
Me: “Where was it?”
Husband: “You hid it.”
Me: “Seriously, where was it?”
Husband: “In your butt.”

Son: “Mom, you have one really small tooth.”
Me: “Yep.”
Son: “It’s like a baby tooth.”
Me: “It’s not a baby tooth, it’s just smaller than my other teeth.”
Husband: “It got worn down by all the food.”

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Want to read some more funny? Check out my latest post on BLUNTmoms called “Onions and Cigarette Butts.” It’s all about morning sickness and eating a Quizno’s sandwich full of cigarette butts (sort of) (not really) (just go read it.)

20 Replies to “husbandisms”

  1. That’s pretty flipping funny. After the food comment he won’t be wondering where you hid his shoe.

  2. Ha! Thanks for sharing this so I can laugh at it, but not have to go through the process of waiting for it to be funny 🙂

        1. Oh girl, so am I. If I can’t think of something to say that I feel is funny or at least contributes to a conversation, I get all insecure and don’t comment. I hope that doesn’t make other bloggers hate me, but it’s just how I roll!

  3. HAHAH hilarious! I can’t believe he said that about your poor tiny tooth. And if you figure out how to get the exercise fairy to come exercise you in your sleep, will you let me know??

    1. “OH YEAH KID? WELL YOU’RE AS DUMB AS PATRICK AND YOU SMELL LIKE THE CRACK BETWEEN SANDY’S CHEEKS!”

      is what I wouldn’t have said. But I would have seriously thought about it!

  4. There’s a lot of funny going on in your house. My house is more sarcasm. It annoys me because half the time it goes over my head. Yes, I’m that person. I guess it does lead to some good humor on occasion, usually at my expense.

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