Husband: “Look at that couple jogging. That should be us.”
Me: “And what would our son be doing while we’re out jogging all over town?”
Husband: “Making chili.”

Me: “You better hurry to the gym. You won’t get into the spinning class.”
Husband: “Yes I will.”
Me: “You have like 5 minutes to get there.”
Husband: “I know.”
Me: “Okay.”
Husband: “If I don’t get in, I’ll just come home.”
Me: “Okay.”
Husband: “And then go back and burn down the gym.”

Husband: “Why can’t someone come in the middle of the night and exercise me in my sleep?”
Me: “What, like put a weight in your hand and lift it up and down for you?”
Husband: “Yeah. While I dream of chocolate. And butts. And butter. And boobs.”

Me: “Did you find your credit card?”
Husband: “Yes.”
Me: “Where was it?”
Husband: “You hid it.”
Me: “Seriously, where was it?”
Husband: “In your butt.”

Son: “Mom, you have one really small tooth.”
Me: “Yep.”
Son: “It’s like a baby tooth.”
Me: “It’s not a baby tooth, it’s just smaller than my other teeth.”
Husband: “It got worn down by all the food.”


Want to read some more funny? Check out my latest post on BLUNTmoms called “Onions and Cigarette Butts.” It’s all about morning sickness and eating a Quizno’s sandwich full of cigarette butts (sort of) (not really) (just go read it.)