husbandisms

Husband: “Look at that couple jogging. That should be us.”
Me: “And what would our son be doing while we’re out jogging all over town?”
Husband: “Making chili.”

Me: “You better hurry to the gym. You won’t get into the spinning class.”
Husband: “Yes I will.”
Me: “You have like 5 minutes to get there.”
Husband: “I know.”
Me: “Okay.”
Husband: “If I don’t get in, I’ll just come home.”
Me: “Okay.”
Husband: “And then go back and burn down the gym.”

Husband: “Why can’t someone come in the middle of the night and exercise me in my sleep?”
Me: “What, like put a weight in your hand and lift it up and down for you?”
Husband: “Yeah. While I dream of chocolate. And butts. And butter. And boobs.”

Me: “Did you find your credit card?”
Husband: “Yes.”
Me: “Where was it?”
Husband: “You hid it.”
Me: “Seriously, where was it?”
Husband: “In your butt.”

Son: “Mom, you have one really small tooth.”
Me: “Yep.”
Son: “It’s like a baby tooth.”
Me: “It’s not a baby tooth, it’s just smaller than my other teeth.”
Husband: “It got worn down by all the food.”

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Want to read some more funny? Check out my latest post on BLUNTmoms called “Onions and Cigarette Butts.” It’s all about morning sickness and eating a Quizno’s sandwich full of cigarette butts (sort of) (not really) (just go read it.)