So. Car line. Let’s talk about it.
For those not familiar with the lingo, “car line” is simply the short form of “the long ass line of cars that parents have to wait in for about a thousand hours in order to drop their children off at school.”
Even if you’re not a parent, you probably have at least peripheral knowledge of what I’m talking about. The sluggish procession of hybrids and minivans in front of the school. The snarls of traffic in the surrounding streets. The long, tedious march of headlights.
There’s certainly no question about it – car line can be slow. Car line can be boring. A minute spent in car line can seem like the longest minute that ever was. Still, in spite of all its many faults, I love car line and want to marry it. Why, you probably don’t ask? Because car line has three distinct advantages over the old days when you actually had to walk your kids in to school.
Advantage #1: You don’t have to get out of the car in bad weather.
Advantage #2: You get to sit around judging all of the other parents’ cars.
Advantage #3: YOU CAN LOOK A HOT MESS.
Look. I know a lot of moms out there take great pride in their appearance and that’s certainly their prerogative. I, however, do not count myself among their ranks. It’s not that I don’t care about looking good, necessarily — it’s just that I don’t care about looking good at seven in the morning. I don’t care about ANYTHING at seven in the morning. Except caffeine and lots of it.
Which is why car line is perfect for me. With car line, you don’t have to shower. You don’t have to wear makeup. You don’t even have to wear street clothes. You can just roll out of bed, throw on a coat, and go. You never have to set foot outside the car, so who’s gonna know? No one, that’s who. And I take full advantage of that fact.
Well then, BEHOLD! MY CAR LINE COUTURE!
And doesn’t it kind of look like I didn’t even brush my teeth?
BECAUSE I TOTALLY DIDN’T.
And that’s why I love car line.