the trouble with yeast infections

A few years ago, my sister Cheeks and I had the strangely mystical experience of suffering from yeast infections at the exact same time.

Behold the chat conversation that followed.

hard-returngif

 

Me: can i just say

Me: YEAST

Her: me too! it keeps comin’ back
Her: probably because I HATE the yeast infection treatments
Her: so I get the one-day treatment and it totally doesn’t work

Me: i hate them too
Me: that totally just happened to me
Me: i did the one-day treatment and it didn’t work
Me: and now i have to do the week-long cream

Her: it’s bull! shit!
Her: uggggh I hate the cream

Me: My husband was all like: “WHY do you keep buying the one-day treatment?”
Me: and “You always have to do the week-long treatment like 2 days later”

Her: BECAUSE THE WEEK-LONG TREATMENT ITCHES

Me: I KNOW

Her: AND FEELS GROSS

Me: I PUT IT IN LAST NIGHT AND I WAS LIKE “THAT GUY” WITH BONEITIS

boneitis gif
Futurama (FOX)

Her: BAAAAAHAHAHAHA
Her: omg
Her: TOTALLY
Her: and it gets EVERYWHERE

Me: and then i got in the bathtub this morning and a bunch of it blobbed out into the water

Her: oh yeah that’s always fun
Her: and don’t even TRY to wash your vagina
Her: that shit is WATER RESISTANT

Me: BAHAHAHAHA
Me: and it stays in your vagina for like 10000000 years

Her: and say goodbye to sex for like two weeks

Me: omg *dies*
Me: last night my husband was all “What about with a rubber?” and i was like NOOOoooooooo

Her: he doesn’t understand
Her: tell him to put some mayonnaise and fire ants up his ass

Me: bahaha
Me: he doesn’t understand that if even a molecule of air gets near the yeast you’re like OMG ITCH

Her: laughing soooo hard

Me: the night before last i had to sleep with no underpants on because i was like
Me: MUST
Me: SPREAD
Me: LEGS
Me: NOTHING
Me: MUST
Me: TOUCH
Me: ANYTHING

Her: MY ONLY REGRET… IS THAT I HAVE… BONEITIS

2 Replies to “the trouble with yeast infections”

  1. Oh gods…. I’m fortunate enough to not have gotten one in my adult life, but was plagued by them as a child. I even had special undies that I’d wear when I had them because the cream would stain. The memories of them are faint, but enough to know DO NOT WANT.

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